Sex As Operant Conditioning

    I could talk about  ad infinitum, ad nauseam, until you sling ad hominem comments about how I'm nothing but a peddler. But I'm not going to.

    I want to talk about something unrelated to my movie project(s). I've been thinking about sex, a lot. When I first started dating the woman who would become my wife, I chose not to touch her for 12 weeks. I bought a dozen roses and I'd give her a rose each week and I wasn't going to touch her until I'd given her the full dozen.

    Yes, I'm a romantic.

    That's not the point. My first girlfriend, and my first kiss where when I was 19. We met. 2 days later, we hung out until 2am. The next night we hung out we kissed. We continued kissing for an hour. We kissed all the time. That's pretty much all we did. One night we made out for 8 hours. There wasn't any sex. It was amazing to me, how soft and sweet and intoxicating.

    We continued dating for 3 weeks. Making out every time we met. I never got to know her as a person. Our mouths were always busy. Our relationship was based entirely on how amazing kissing is. And it is amazing. But, there's more to life.

    That's why I made the 12 week vow with my wife. I wanted to know her first, as a person, as a human before sex altered my mind.

    I've come to realize that sex is a form of operant conditioning, that being sexually aroused while experiencing a set of sensory inputs eventually associates those inputs to the arousal. When I have sex with my wife, I smell her, I taste her. I see her. I feel her. Any one of those visceral experiences now leads me to be aroused by her. I am now bonded with her, her specifically.

    I'm not interested in sex with other people because my brain has now been hard-wired to associate arousal with my wife.

    This is today's topic, not just because I was thinking about it but because I want you to know that, for me, OpenChat really is about being open. My hope is that if you see me, you'll see that we may not be as different as you first thought… that the things you feel ashamed of those are things I struggle with too.

    Maybe today's OpenChat is TMI for you. That's fine. That will change as more people share. I believe that when we see each others' that notions of inequality, that motivations behind abusing and mistreating others will naturally fade because those cruelties are masks for fear, fear of danger, of being rejected, of being abused.

    We, all of us, have dark sides. That's okay. The darkness isn't okay. But, the darkness isn't the totality of who we are. So, chose to be open and help make the world better.